I’ve been fantastically fortunate to have a brilliant small group of friends (quality over quantity every time here) Its a really diverse group and most have babies but not all. New or old friends I value each and and every one of them regardless & more than i can say…
Until Little C came along friendship was a touchy subject as i’d had a big “uncoupling” with a very close friend right before the birth. It saddened me deeply that we’d fallen out, shortly after my mother then died and I didn’t hear from this friend to offer condolences and i suppose that was the closure I needed on my friendship with this particular person.This situation strengthened my existing friendships ( my best friend is a rock and has been for over 10 years). I will be eternally grateful to her and her mother for throwing me a lovely baby shower & her grandma had even knitted me some cardigans for our new arrival! Im overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness and effort she put into that day just thinking about it! The uncoupling of the close friend allowed me to formulate friendship with others who have truly enhanced my life! I hope I do the same for them.
We opted to go for a private antennal class and it’s one of the best decisions we made during my pregnancy. Yes NCT create an environment where members usually form a large supportive group and i’d be stupid to disregard the benefits of this but I have one “mum best friend” who I met at our antennal class and she’s been a rock! Luckily we realised we didn’t only have babies in common which was a bonus and I have a fantastic time with her.
I thought i’d share my general thoughts & observations on friendship’s post baby. Friendships post baby are inevitably different but in a good way. Gone are the days of adhoc after work cocktails but theres still so much fun to have & it can now include your little beloved ones.
1) If you see each other enough you will happily & naturally finish each others sentences this is partially due to screeching children and general lack of time.
2) You can be yourself on an “off day” and its ok.
3) You will enjoy a good cup of tea so much more especially if its made for you, hot when drinking and you get to finish it!
4) Going for Afternoon Tea will be such a treat it will feel like going on holiday!
5) Theres no pressure to reply to text’s straight away. Parenting is physically and mentally demanding and some days its hard just to express yourself the way you want to by text.
6) It’s ok to moan without being seen as “My friend Moana”.
7) It’s mutually agreed but often unspoken that the little ones come first i.e if they’re teething during you afternoon out its ok to cry off and go home after an hour.
8) Your ok that your friends may have not only seen your boobs but your front garden aswell due to your child wanting to to be with you when you’re peeing but won’t let you shut the door so to save the tantrum you happily pee with the door open when they visit.
9) Connect with other parents classes etc it might make you feel slightly better to know that their child was awake 5 times during the night & thats 3 more than your’s. Its not a competition thing, it serves to put your drama into perspective. Theres always someone worse off and its good to remember this.
10) Don’t compare stages of development. I’ve never actually been in this situation but I imagine its just not worth entertaining. All babies are different and unique we should appreciate each and every one of them.
These are just some of the things i’ve observed or given bit of thought to. Pregnancy and adapting to being a parent are massive adjustments so its great to share with those who you can relate to. It’s also great to rant at those who aren’t pregnant and don’t have children. Friends without children can be the best escapism so they might not relate to where your at with frustrations with tantrums but they can be a source of fun.
Feel free to comment.
Thanks for reading.